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Programming Language Designed Entirely in WebAssembly Runs at 0.001x Native Speed, Developers Call It 'The Future'

A new report from analysts at GartnerMcKinseyForrester suggests that

Early adopters report mixed results. One user described the experience as 'surprisingly functional,' while another called it 'the reason I'm switching to gardening.'

"We believe this represents a fundamental shift in the way we think about [insert buzzword here]."

— Unnamed executive

We reached out to several tech ethicists for comment. Most of them just sighed heavily.

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