Linux User Spends 3 Weeks Configuring Touchpad, Calls It 'Out of the Box Experience'

In an announcement that nobody asked for but everyone expected,

Regulatory bodies have expressed 'mild interest' in the development, which in tech industry terms means absolutely nothing will happen for at least five years.

"We believe this represents a fundamental shift in the way we think about [insert buzzword here]."

— Someone who definitely works here

Key takeaways:

• The technology exists primarily in PowerPoint form
• Investors have been assured it will 'scale massively'
• Engineers are reportedly 'figuring it out as we go'
• Customer support will consist of a single FAQ page
• The terms of service are longer than the Bible

One thing is certain: whatever happens next will probably be even more ridiculous.