Silicon Valley Confessions
Anonymous confessions from tech.
Our Diversity Initiative Is a Stock Photo on the Careers Page
We value diversity. Proof: a stock photo of 14 hands of ambiguous ethnicity on our careers page. The image is from 2018.
The Company Retreat Was a Mandatory 3 Day Hackathon in a Windowless Warehouse
Mandatory hackathon. 3 days. No windows. Cold pizza. The winning project was a Slack bot that orders slightly warmer pizza.
We Are a Family Until the Runway Runs Out Then We Are a Restructuring
We are a family until runway runs out. Then restructuring. Then pivot. Then acquisition. Then memory. Then LinkedIn post.
The Interview Process Had 8 Rounds Including a Panel With the Board for a Junior Role
8 rounds for a junior frontend role. Final panel: 3 board members asked about my 5-year plan. I did not get the job.
Our Office Has a Meditation Room and Also 47 People Were Laid Off Via Email
Himalayan salt lamps in the meditation room. 47 people laid off via a 6 AM email. The subject line was Exciting Changes Ahead.
The Unlimited PTO Policy Means Nobody Ever Takes Vacation
Unlimited PTO. Average days taken per year: 3. The CEO took 47 days off. Different rules apply depending on your title.
We Pivoted 14 Times in 6 Months and Now We Are an AI Company Somehow
We were food delivery. Then fintech. Then Web3 gaming. Now we sell AI pet translators. Our Series B deck calls us an AI company.
The All Hands Meeting Was Just the CEO Showing His NFT Collection for 90 Minutes
CEO: Here is my Bored Ape. Staff: Are we getting raises? CEO: Look at this CryptoPunk. Meeting adjourned after 90 minutes.
Our OKRs Are So Ambitious We Just Make Up the Numbers at the End of the Quarter
Q4 OKRs: increase revenue by 4,700 percent. We achieved 3 percent. We reported 4,700. Nobody verified the numbers.
We Have a Chief Happiness Officer But No Chief Technology Officer
Chief Happiness Officer mandates quarterly fun events. We have no CTO. The servers have been on fire since Q2.