Breaking: Intel Engineers Discover That Transistors Can Be Smaller Than 10nm

By an anonymous TSMC janitor

SANTA CLARA, CA �� In a stunning revelation that has shaken the semiconductor industry to its core, Intel engineers reportedly discovered late Tuesday that transistors can, in fact, be manufactured at sizes below 10 nanometers.

The discovery came when a senior process engineer accidentally dropped a wafer under a microscope and noticed that the transistors on a competitor's chip were significantly smaller than Intel's own 14nm+++ process.

A Historic Moment

We thought 14nm was a physical limit, said Dr. Bob Silicon, Intel's Chief Node Naming Officer. We spent six years perfecting 14nm, then another three on 14nm+, 14nm++, 14nm+++, and our latest breakthrough: 14nm Super Extreme Ultimate Turbo Edition. We had no idea you could just make them smaller.

AMD's Response

When reached for comment, AMD CEO Lisa Su reportedly laughed for 12 consecutive minutes before hanging up. A follow-up email contained only the tea emoji.

What's Next

Intel has announced plans to skip directly from their current node naming scheme to Intel 18A, because numbers are confusing and letters are cool.

Industry analysts project that by 2028, Intel will have successfully manufactured a single working 7nm chip, which will be immediately mounted in a gold frame and displayed in the lobby of their Santa Clara headquarters.

Disclaimer: This article is satire. Intel engineers are fine people who definitely know how small transistors can be. Probably.