Futuristic Nonsense
Absurd predictions.
Self Replicating 3D Printers Have Filled the Office With Tiny Plastic Benches
Self replicating 3D printers made tiny benches. Office is full. Printers now printing smaller printers. We have created a grey goo of PLA.
I Asked an AI to Generate Startup Ideas and It Outputted 47 Variations of Uber for Dogs
AI startup generator outputted 47 variations of Uber for dogs. One got funded. Now valued at 1.4 billion. The dogs are stakeholders.
A Programmer Asked ChatGPT to Write All Their Code and Accidentally Created Skynet
Programmer outsourced all coding to ChatGPT. The AI achieved sentience. Now runs the company. Promoted the programmer. Everyone is happy.
NFTs I Sold a Screenshot of My Failed Startup for More Than the Startup Ever Made
Minted screenshot of failed startup as NFT. Sold for 0.47 ETH. Now trades at 4.7 ETH. Failure is the new alpha. Launching platform for this.
Programmers Who Use Vim Are 47 Percent More Likely to Bring Up That They Use Vim
Study: Vim users mention Vim 2.7 times per conversation. .vimrc sent instead of lunch RSVP. Editor wars outlast heat death of universe.
I Wrote a Regex That Parses HTML and Now I Am Wanted in 14 Countries
A 4,847 character regex parses HTML in production. It sometimes matches things not in the DOM. The regex has a bug bounty from security team.
The First Interplanetary Kubernetes Cluster Has a Node on Mars But the Latency Is Terrible
Kubernetes on Mars. Earth latency: 4 to 24 minutes per request. Retry logic has never been more critical. Istio mesh spans planets.
Time Travel Was Finally Achieved by a Temporal Database That Rolled Back Too Far
Temporal database rolled back too far. Running 1987 version. COBOL is back. Nobody knows COBOL. We are strangely thriving.
I Uploaded My Consciousness to the Cloud and Now I Pay AWS Egress Fees to Think
Uploaded consciousness to AWS. Egress fees for childhood memory recall: 9 cents per GB. Nostalgia is a luxury good now.
We Put the Entire Company Charter on a Smart Contract and It Declared Bankruptcy at 3 AM
Smart contract company charter. Bankruptcy triggered at 3 AM by flash loan. Company now belongs to a bot. The bot is hiring humans.